An Unforeseen End

I look at you and glimpse what could have been,
There are stories about us that were not enshrouded in sin,
A bliss to our union that I had tremendous belief in.

You walked away without even blinking,
And left me thinking that all I did was ruin our rhythm,
But in truth I was bound to be a victim,
I was willing to see nothing next while you questioned everything.

Your beauty still seems to grip me invariably,
And even in variable terms I cannot find peace mentally,
You leave me strewn to the bone and just as cold,
Lost, alone and unwilling to hold,
I am bare and cannot bear anything,
Open yet closed to everything,

Why shall I seek to be yours in circumstances like these?
Because I believed we could overcome tomorrow and just be!

No matter; though my heart may falter,
My course is mapped for the lands uncharted,
And my mission is to no longer be taken for granted.

Love me not but tease me never,
I am gone for good, yours-to-be never.

Evans Mbora Campbell

Questions in the Cold

Originally penned on 4 Dec 2014

I am yet to experience a winter,
But I have felt the cold of life,
I know nothing of battles with hypothermia,
But I have dealt with strife,
While I receive any man’s best friend with open arms,
I am wary of the chance that he may bite.

It is often said that there is nothing better than your best,
But I wonder how often people, against their own interests, bet
For even with your all in a test,
You sometimes just can’t evade “wrongful” arrest.

 

Yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell

I Wander

Originally penned on 25 Aug 2014

I am but a bi-product of my beliefs in a world so full of those of others, yet I now wish I could be the offspring of theirs,

More virtuous, less grandiose and in every way, less varicose than mine,
I am doomed to suffer a steep decline should I not give in to these impositions to well-received dispositions,
Yet the reality of my situation is that I am somewhat comfortable in my dispensation,
Have I not survived the deluge of questions asked in many an inquisition?
Have I not lived to see yet many another day despite my damned lack of stalwart observation?
Am I just a lucky man surviving merely by the favour of the One I have oft accused myself of having slightly less faith in?

May His light shine where it once shown, I grow tired of walking on my own,
Though, if the good word holds true, I was never really forlorn, my only fault was thinking I was,
As I try to find redemption I shall look for a greater way to achieve the absolution I may need, given my history of indecision

Until I find it then, I must promise cautiously to remain,

Yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell,
Wanderer.

Maybe, But Perchance, Perhaps

I saw the moon in thine eyes, the stars shone around it too,
The sky was a deep dark blue, as intense as you,

Yet its intensity was hardly as consuming as the enigma of your continued ability to linger,
Your finger on the trigger was as foreboding as the diminuendo of that fat lady singer,
Yet still that digit trembled as, if coupled with 9 others, it had set off the ringer.

No jolt could shock me into accepting that this is bittersweet at best; no colt-like pace could race my heart into arrest,
I shall remain the dolt without hope so infinitely cheerful, for none shall take away the feeling your smile gave me — “Oh how blessed”,
Let me shackle myself to your feet (if only for a moment) that you may grow fond of these chains – see them for their caress,
Take this hand I offer in earnest, bruised as it may be, it shall shine any of your glass slippers to gleam brightest.

Shall I interest you in some Better Banter?
I know what I have had on offer may have gone sour so many years after,
Maybe some Soul Parable would engage you enough to keep you here, beyond the laughter,
Do I need Teeth Whitener? Perhaps I repulse you with my failure to blind when my lips part; could it be that they too are a factor?
Would you be more inclined to take a Pamper Hamper?

Tell me oh sweetest of characters,
Shall I stay outside and be your Snow Man this winter?
Can I be your Burning Man in the summer?
May I play Leaf Collector in autumn, when you need my rake to keep the ground unaltered?
I shall do anything to see you sing in the spring, oh what a time for your true colours to be shared.

As I have loved thee, I see no point in ending this without decreeing openly,
That by the window atop the tallest steeple I shall stand and look out for you daily — in my hours off duty,

I shall stay keen even as the darkness steals my sight and the night reignites my despondence, for I see you coming to me when I least expect the courtesy,

Maybe you shall call on me if only to bid me adieu, certainly I shall understand Her Grace leaving a soul as wretched as mine to the world’s mercy,

But perchance you shall come to me with a different message, well-meaning and forthcoming, possibly claiming you love me,

Perhaps I shall see you on the day you choose to fill this hole so deep in my soul, walking across the fields from your castle to my outpost,

And should it so be, then there is a chance that I shall not have withered away into my own heart’s abyss,

That the voices within shall have settled, albeit disinclined, for a peaceful acceptance of reality,

Maybe, but perchance, perhaps,
I shall be yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell.

The Day I Left

I found peace and tranquility,
I no longer sinned against myself by casting doubt upon my integrity,
I gained the respect I so deserved from the world I loved, now I am adored by my family,
Albeit one that consists of two parents and a child born out of necessity,
And, coincidentally, named Me.

The day I left saw a shift in the plates out of which these very continents were cleft,
It signified the end of my being inept, marked the turn of a century even though it was barely weeks since we met,
That moment in that hour when I turned around and said to myself, “You are all you have left.”
Remains the instant in the distance that had my course set,
No longer would I be bound to your whims like a bosom by a corset.

It has taken Me a long time to realise that your enchantment was based on fictitious enhancement,
Embellished and overly relished, you knew nothing more than what all who adored you saw — apparent,
In my newfound lack of awe, I am resigned to the belief that there is nothing more to note about your obsequious treatment by drooling men,
It is but a momentary lapse in judgement; soon to end at the hands of your indiscretions against them.

You walk around with a false sense of innocence born of a nuance that you are perfect,
But certainly the prefect of any deity existent would beg to differ and report your misguided attitude to the nearest teacher,
While you are blessed with intellect, a command of your dialect and mastery of etiquette,
You exude no ability to empathetically connect, sympathetically relate or expressly state your intent,
Which leads me to question the meaning of your every action — does it suggest that you never consider success a potential outcome in your suitor’s conquests?
Do you just hold their hands and lead them then to the knife’s edge of your failure to say “Yes”?

…you for me, seems like a year, a month and a week ago,
Simultaneously far away and ever so close,
But in light of what I have seen in the time gone by since those,
I regret not what I chose.

Yours (once) momentarily,

Evans Mbora Campbell.

Kiss Me Again

So I would say to you before you leave me to my rue,
in that silent whisper you so often used to make me shiver, declare you will hold me true,
Tell them of us — tales not of chasing tail — of love delivered on no overglorified grail, sure as the skies are blue,
Say my name in that sensual way that made me quiver, let me know in you I still have a believer, ready to see this storm through.

I languish in the sorrow of my parched lips,
You departed and I have faced many a cold night since,
You are — to my heart — the elixir of life, light to guide its dancing beat,
You, you, you, magnificence is your birthright, sight of it mortal man’s greatest gift,
Yet it is I that, was blessed with this crippling taste of a breath so sweet,
A fact I now reminisce upon, feeling morose and left alone, if only I could bathe again in that kiss,

If only…
you,
you,
you,
could hear me cry from atop the rooftops and piers to you who would be so gracious as to hear my need,
Singular indeed, but greater than all others I concede,
Greater than my need to involuntarily control the ability to breathe?
Yes, this need supersedes even that indeed Miss Kiss,
I wish only that ours may once again meet.

Lips that parted ways to leave behind what were better days; it was an ugly foray
from both our ends, for all we so closely held, against all we upheld —

I wish to upend the damage we did, mend the bridges between these lips that we left for dead,

I simply wish — dearest and most heaven-sent — that you could kiss me, again.

Yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell.

Coo Coo

I murmur in the shrubs behind the treeline, whispering sweet words to you,
I have searched for you like Wizkid did for his Caro(line), trembling from a heartbeat absurd, thinking, “If only you knew…”,
I have lost all will to be still, how much longer must I hide as I rapidly decline; teeming with excitement at your sight, but letting you walk out of it when it causes me much ado.

You are beautiful beyond vocables, I would be lying if I claimed myself capable of describing your pulchritude,
How shall someone — so remarkable — ever look at a shadow of a man like me, hidden behind shrubs, constantly having an internal squabble?
How shall my attitude surely adjust my altitude to reach your peak and greet your chic elegance in equal measure with suave servitude?
My heart, mind and soul wonder ever so concertedly about you Miss Know-Me-Not, your frame alone has me arrested dear constable,
Would you hear my cry for you and do me the honour of turning your eye to my plight, that I may be no longer inconsolable a soul?
May your divine grace grant me a liberation from these chains and their chokehold?

The fact that I have sat here so long and been passed by throngs makes me wonder if any passers-by hear my song,
I have shaped my lips as I once learnt from a televised chant, raised my voice until I felt myself say I can’t, yet not one instance of a listener in the recent past,
Now as I stand behind these shrubs and intend to pull a similar stunt, I wonder if I stand a chance — will you recant your trust in these other bastards and see me just this once?

My moment of reckoning is nigh,
I push my fears aside and sigh one final time,
Hear me out as I let fly:

Coo, coo

Yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell.

The Boy Who Met No Girl

She could have entertained my insistent presence, but maybe it was all too sudden.
I was invariably the type to be overly smitten, her scent I latched on to like altar cloth to incense,
She was frustrated — grew weary of my growing interest —
but I was nonetheless ardent,
I was helpless to her every utterance, sycophant to her flair, blindly ignorant of her disgust that I was there.

She could have it all, from the bottom of my heart to ATM withdrawals,
I would endlessly fall, never to see the fault, for she was mine to call,
She would witness the wonderful, being the very source of splendour I could only have dreamt of,
I would live vicariously through her smiles, those heavenly moments over which I so readily fawned.

She said No though.
My heart stopped like that period, face dropped as I felt like an idiot,
She had “led me to believe…” as I saw it, but the truth was that I saw naught,
In my pursuit of this dame, was I was really just concerned for my ego —
worried about who I would hold tight under my loose sheets in the coming cold season?
Did I ever give her enough reason to consider my proposition—
or was my judgment easy to come to, that of a man guilty of treason?

All I know is she said No folks,
And it matters not if it was because of how I hold my forks,
She was all I saw when I closed my mind’s doors,
Now she is all I remember as the clock tocks.

All I am is a boy with no girl,
All I am is the boy who met No Girl.

Yours in perpetuity,


Evans Mbora Campbell.

Smile Charmer

It’s the feelings that overwhelm thee that aggravate my plea,
I wish you could just see that life would be so much simpler if it included me,
An enigma would disappear in the instant that you opened your eyes and arms to my presence here,
A problem would be solved with a solution evolved for your being, custom to your every need,

Yet you still cower in fear under a rock of doubt and self-punishment, when shall you relent with this torturous spree of regret?

Must I iterate endlessly how much you remain worth to a soul like mine, made to be with yours by intent only divine?
Surely you must identify with my cry for love, lack of the words “have” and above” in my narrative should assure you I mean no attempt to grab,
By all means I simply look to stroke your hair and remind you hourly that you are fair,
If the exactness of that frequency scares you then rest assured the revelation of the true recurrence rate will do you no better,
I am but a voluntary lover, the best kind to have when life tries to tear your world asunder.

Take me as I am, let my children one day call you “Mama”,
Give me all you can, for that is all that will ever matter,

But most of all, let me,
remain yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell,
Smile-Charmer. ☺

2014 ⌛, 2015 ⏳

I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I’m going to put on here*, so, in my usual, lengthy way here goes:
Family 👪, Friends 👥 and Experiences ✈
The past year was full of emotion, drama, challenges, setbacks, opportunity and promise, all of which can be summarised in those 3 categories.

✈ I left the continent for only the 2nd time in my life, but without my father’s support. This time there was no joint credit card or bank account, just my meagre last salary and a lot of sought-after cash put together in such a helter-skelter manner that I’m convinced hedge funds should be capitalising on the power of family and human will as opposed to other complex behavioural models. But I digress, and I dislike financial economics anyway 😁.

It was daunting and difficult, but fulfilling. I have no regrets about the sacrifices I made to get to Geneva. While some people are aware of what I went through, others aren’t and could care less. In the end my story taught me to respect people and show them kindness, for I know not how far they have come. And as a good friend recently told me, the world is really, “cruel enough as it is.” My travels have challenged my perspectives, shown me a glimpse of other cultures and taught me that East or West, home is best.

While I have enjoyed myself thoroughly in Europe, people here have felt almost as cold as their winter. It is a generalisation and I am averse to making those, but this is one as educated by experience as possible. I now deeply appreciate so many aspects of Kenyan and African culture. Our warmth, selflessness and a general disregard for origin that is complemented by a concern for how to help others reach their destination. While we certainly can be cold too – douchebaggery is an international phenomenon – the likelihood that we won’t be is far more reassuring.

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👥 I met some amazing people last year. People I hope will be in my life as long as it lasts. Generally it’s easy for me to make acquaintances – I try to be as pleasant and polite as possible – but true friends are rare. I’m glad I met such people this year. Each of you will be getting a personal message detailing my appreciation, but I’m sure I’ve gone sentimental on you, in typical Campbell fashion, and made you aware of your importance to me.

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👪 My family is complicated. I don’t talk about it much, despite my general openness. It has greatly affected my views as a person. In my adult life, I am committed to working towards a far less complicated family situation for my children, if/when I have them. It may not be entirely possible, seeing as we carry on our family’s legacy without exactly leaving it behind, but I will give it my best. The least complicated bits and those that matter most to me are, however, what I would like to say I am thankful for. It is to the entire maternal side of my family that I am forever indebted for the past year’s closing successes. I, quite literally, could never have made it to Switzerland without them. In my view, they are a blessing and a sure sign that my mother’s legacy is one I should cherish and be proud of. I have grown to appreciate their abundant love now more than ever before. But better late than never.

On the same note, I would like to appreciate my younger brother (yes, I have a sibling 😛). He has always openly believed in me, at times in ways I found inexplicable. His faith in my potential and constant hope that I get even better and reach farther is a driving force like no other. I am ever so proud to see that he is growing up as a man, facing challenges that are difficult to understand with as calm a demeanour as he can. While the world is agnostic to whether we are good or bad guys, it gives me great pleasure to know that he strives to remain the former in the face of all the latter. I sincerely love you and only wish to see you conquer the world as you see fit.

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And so in 2015 I hope to better my best and keep applying myself, with you by my side should you wish to be there.

Yours in perpetuity,

Evans Mbora Campbell.

*I may have actually come up with this as I wrote it, but I have been thinking about it a lot 😂.